He Loves Me or He Loves Me Not Enough

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his gift

He loves me, he loves me not enough

As my fingers touch the petals
whispered words slip from my lips
begging not for an answer
but an affirmation
of a wishful truth I told myself
thousands of times
especially in his silence.

I cling to hope and false assurances
on weekends I stare at my phone hoping
praying
maybe he will call
I close my eyes and dream of the day he will come

My mind drifts back to the last moment in his arms
soft touches and gentle voices
His fingers dance along my back
I want it all back
I felt so loved

Curled up in my bed as the storm grows louder
outside
and inside
How quickly you turn from lover to one I do not recognize
Do you recall hands do not hurt me
Cruel words cut me to my core

Instead of crying I want to be singing
loud and off key.
and dancing
until I need to catch my breath
my hair is a mess
While you smile at me….that beautiful smile.
Remembering why it is you love me.

Remember the rose you wanted to give me?
I want to give you daily gifts
Unexpected
Small
Filled with love

Remember how you felt when you saw me?
Rushing into your arms
Tip-toed hugs
Kisses we hoped didn’t end
Butterflies in my stomach all dancing for you
Your touch
Smell
Love…..oh wait…..

Instead you are not with me
You are there
No caresses
No embraces
No me
You seem okay with that now.

I need to stop speaking in past tense
There is only now
Me
Crying
Alone
Hurt
You are content.

I want to
LAUGH
and
TALK
and
DREAM
about tomorrow with you
Instead I am
CRYING
and
WHISPERING
tales of today
MOURNING
memories of yesterdays

Is he ever coming……

I pull of the petals of the daisies one by one until there is only that one truth left……

My fingers long to feel the petal but it lies in his hands now.

Loves me or loves me not?

 

19 thoughts on “He Loves Me or He Loves Me Not Enough

      1. Yes, okay, I will send it again, sigh….
        It was obviously sooooo important that you just filed it in the bin.
        But don’t worry your pretty head, I will go to all the hassle to dig it out and resend it, just for you.
        Huuuh.
        Because you are adorable.

        Like

  1. You convey the pain of the waiting so vividly Anja and the journey comes to a point where you accurately say it is up to him….beautifully stated. I also love the image you have used, one of yours I am certain.

    Like

      1. Silly me should have known I still have your prints looking down on me. There are times aren’t there when emotion flows and the words all fall into place so easily. Have a great day, Sunday I think for you..

        Like

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