He loves me, he loves me not enough
As my fingers touch the petals
whispered words slip from my lips
begging not for an answer
but an affirmation
of a wishful truth I told myself
thousands of times
especially in his silence.
I cling to hope and false assurances
on weekends I stare at my phone hoping
maybe he will call
I close my eyes and dream of the day he will come
My mind drifts back to the last moment in his arms
soft touches and gentle voices
His fingers dance along my back
I want it all back
I felt so loved
Curled up in my bed as the storm grows louder
How quickly you turn from lover to one I do not recognize
Do you recall hands do not hurt me
Cruel words cut me to my core
Instead of crying I want to be singing
loud and off key.
until I need to catch my breath
my hair is a mess
While you smile at me….that beautiful smile.
Remembering why it is you love me.
Remember the rose you wanted to give me?
I want to give you daily gifts
Filled with love
Remember how you felt when you saw me?
Rushing into your arms
Kisses we hoped didn’t end
Butterflies in my stomach all dancing for you
Instead you are not with me
You are there
You seem okay with that now.
I need to stop speaking in past tense
There is only now
You are content.
I want to
about tomorrow with you
Instead I am
tales of today
memories of yesterdays
Is he ever coming……
I pull of the petals of the daisies one by one until there is only that one truth left……
My fingers long to feel the petal but it lies in his hands now.
Loves me or loves me not?