Good morning…seems I have forgotten to brush my hair again, how to exhale or remember what my name sounds like. I feel as though I don’t believe in anything anymore which really means I am handing broken pieces of myself to you.
I can taste the stale paint on my tongue, left there from the last renovating you’ve done with my mind. For the next five hundred and sixty-three and a quarter hours I will be staring at the ceiling. As the second hand of the internal clock moves, I am waiting for your flavor to fade….or maybe I am just waiting for you to return. If you do, I will be older than ever before so please press play. I am exhausted from being stuck on pause.
I remain still, trying to feel the earth move again. I find myself counting my eyelashes so I can calculate the distance it would take for them to fall. Then I will know how many wishes I am missing. Tic toc resonates the sound and maybe in a hundred and thirty-two days I can wish that you never happened. Or I can try to ask if you ever really did love me. Since I like the feel of your name in my mouth, I pray that repeating something is enough to make it true. The real truth is the exact opposite of believing.
I slowly blink and want to be forty-two minutes further into forgetting you. However the images of your lies project against my eye lids and I go backwards into my memories. I listen as you pronounce vowels wrapped into an endless loop where you and I become concentric circles.
The truth is that all I am are my words and those never seem to be enough. Maybe I have wasted the last twenty-nine minutes convincing myself that love and in love are opposing concepts. Round and round. I say I am not in love but it seems I am a liar. Truth is, so are you. You once told me my heartbeat was your favorite song but broken hearts don’t have a beat.
words can mean the world
or shattering silent sounds
listen for the beat
lies hidden between
truth peeks behind consonants
true love comes from truth
Written for Haibun Thinking
This week is freestyle where you can write whatever your heart desires.
Step back from prompts and look inside.
It is more beautiful there.