I tip up my face to the water as if to cleanse more than my body. The drops fall on my face and follow the same path as my tears. In here, no one knows as I allow myself to fall apart. I hear the piano dance its way around as the lyrics reach out and tap me on the shoulder begging me to remember.
I will leave my heart at the door
The heaviness of each syllable lands upon my chest. Memories stir as my own story pours out. No time for fragrant metaphors or fluttering similes. All I can create are images of the pain left behind.
If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I’m more than just a friend
I fall to my knees as our last moment comes back to me. Why did you hold me like that and dangle sweet nothings in front of me knowing I would cling to each one. The answer now surrounds me as I am the one alone.I was the only one who was unaware it would be our last night together….
I don’t need your honesty
It’s already in your eyes
Sitting on the shower floor as the lyrics I have sung many times come peeking in at me. What I saw in your eyes was deceit dressed up behind what you showed to be love. Did you ever feel any guilt for the guise? The times I looked at you, kissed your lips, stroked your face, and you never tried to stop it. You accepted and guided me deeper and deeper into this spurious love that was controlled only by you.
No one knows me like you do
And since you’re the only one that matters
Tell me who do I run to?
I reach over to turn off the water that now runs as frigid as your heart. My body trembles as I ask out loud, tell me who do I run to? I recall the time I said you are never alone when things weighed upon me. You said it was harder on you because you may not be alone but you only thought of being with me. Those words were etched into my heart. Another line that allowed me to smile. Unbeknownst to me it was just momentary support to keep me swimming in your lies a little longer.
Let this be our lesson in love
Let this be the way we remember us
I slowly rise to my feet and while wrapped in a towel I find my way to my bed. This did become my lesson in love. You showed me how cruel someone can be when allowing yourself to be vulnerable once again. How will you remember us? Oh….there was never us, was there? I was pulled close to you yet never given true access to your heart. Only to your desires and they were not pure.
It matters how this ends
‘Cause what if I never love again?
I curl up in my bed with those final words of the song. How this ends truly affects me more than you, yet you pulled all of the strings….my heart strings. This was supposed to be the one for me and now I am left with nothing. What if I never love again? This is what I will be forever left with………
I shut my eyes tight and allow the darkness to descend once again. You always claim to know loneliness but you don’t. You just create it for those who give themselves to you. All I ask is why you didn’t allow it to end at our first hello?
Inspired by a song I feel a connection with….All I Ask by Adele.