True Blue

crilleb50

Now he sits….how did he allow it to come to this point?

His happiness and hearts desire now rests in a small envelope he slipped into her favorite flowers.  He quietly walked into the church, no one noticed as he stepped into her dressing room.  It was empty and he knew she was off with the other ladies having lunch. He didn’t realize how hard it would be until he saw the dress.

Her dress….he listened to her speak endlessly about it how she always wanted a special dress. He walked over and gently brushed his hands across the light blue fabric. Blue, he smiled remembering the day she told him the story of blue wedding dresses. She barely stopped to catch a breath as she discussed how she would search everywhere for  vintage material that would be cut and styled into her gown if she ever got married again. Of course she would pick something so unique, it spoke volumes about the woman she is.

He glanced around and found his present to her. She had it sitting on the table in the middle of the room. His note tilted against the vase with his poem he had written just for her. He was happy she had kept them after…..
She didn’t know there was more he wanted to write but he allowed fear to stop him, again. The little old florist created the perfect arrangement just like he had pictured in his mind. Only difference, he wished it was a present from the groom to his bride, not just a distant friend. He bent the stem and inhaled the gentle fragrance of the iris.  The flower was very reminiscent of her…colorful, delicate but strong….a beauty that stands alone.  You have to get close to the center of the flower to really enjoy it’s sweet aroma, just like he imagined with her. He wouldn’t let his mind wander to that kiss they shared, he blinked back the tears and straightened up.

“Go on and do it”, he told himself.

He pulled the special blue envelope from his pocket and set it between the irises. Would she notice on this day, that something was a little different? He knew her well and felt confident she would see a new, tiny detail.  It would stand out to her because, well, she was like that. It was one of her darling quirks he loved.

He turned and quickly left the room as he heard more voices filling the church.  He looked to one more time into her world, right before he shut the door. This was to be her fairy tale wedding, but he knew she was marrying the wrong prince. He was to blame for this. Is it too late to make it right?

Now he sits, wringing his hands together, wondering about what she was doing.

Had she found the note yet?

If so, what did she decide?

How long should he sit and wait?

He kept his eyes focused on the ground allowing his mind to go back through all their conversations and time they spent together. He could replay the moments where he knew, inside, there was something between them.  As soon as the feeling flowed through his body, he chased it away. He would come up with so many excuses as to why he shouldn’t act on his feelings.  Fear and insecurity overruled what his heart knew was right.

He leaned back and closed his eyes to that night….the night that would have him waiting for her at the end of the church aisle instead of here. They were walking one evening, she reached over and took his arm which she had done on other occasions. This time she leaned her head and rested it against him, then stopped walking.

Looking up to him with her beautiful blue eyes, she whispered, “How do you see me?”

Feeling the heaviness of it all, knowing she was wanting to look inside his heart. Instead of being honest, he told her the first lie to her.

“How do I see you? I see you as my friend who asks far too many questions.”

He gave a nervous laugh but felt sadness drape across them both as she let go of his arm and started to walk once more. He picked up the pace and took her hand, she turned and looked up at him, tears in her eyes. Everything told him to kiss her, so he did.  He swept her into his arms, tilted her back and kissed her like he dreamed about so many nights.

Her hands quickly pulled him closer, running through his hair. He savored the feel of her lips and sweetness on his tongue but then, he pulled away. He let her go.

He turned his back because he couldn’t bare to see the pain that would be all over her face.  He could read her so well and he never wanted to be the one to cause her to cry. He then heard her walking away…more like running.  Her heels clicking along the path as she slipped away.

He now screamed out angry at himself.  He held the love of his life in his arms and pushed her away.

Tears fell down his face, bent over and rested his head in his hands.

Sadness

Regret

Fear

Why did he do it? He could have had it all…….

He looked up and saw the time, it was 8:15, she should now be married. He felt his soul weep. Darkness and the evening fog covered the ground now. He decided to continue on and just be alone for the rest of his life.

He stood up to head back to the hotel. Slowly moving under the oppressive sorrow that covered him like the mist….he heard that sound once more.  The eerie clicking of her heels the night she ran away from him. His heart raced and he stopped walking because it was too hard to keep going. Then he heard the sounds getting louder, closer.

He turned and in the darkness he could see a small figure running……

As it came closer he could see a veil flowing through the air and a woman lifting her blue gown as she moved….

“My love?”

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