Screaming Silent Memories

I don't miss you anymore.

As the months turn over I have learned more about myself than I ever thought was possible. I faced the monster that lived under my skin and as I trace the scars, my old life whispers in the dark. The words swirl recreating memories of you. I pull the covers over my head to avoid you…that someone I used to know, once upon a time. My valiant prince born from my heart and now an uncomfortable reminder of what could have been…maybe what should have been….if only…..

But, my love, we get by.

Are there ever mistakes worth making

When I think of you, I turn into a different person. In those moments I haven’t the slightest clue who I am anymore. My hands cover my face as your voice bleeds into my soul. Inside you are speaking silences that have me reaching out to you at night. Between each breath I listen for the beats of your heart. Even though we do not speak anymore, you empty the spaces you once occupied in my mind. You are everywhere even though you don’t want me. Your songs are etched into the back of my eyelids so I long to keep my eyes shut. Images dance where we are together once more.

Tell me, love, am I still on the tip of your tongue when you meed someone new?
You'll never admit it.

Maybe I am just going backwards. Are we in the same place as we were a couple of years ago? Desperately trying to be someone different, yet being the same as we were before. I make choices like they will define me, but days later I can’t remember the shade of your eyes. Yet, I can recall your sleepy words that held me at night as I fought the phoenix in my sleep. I still cannot speak about you without stuttering.

You’re gone.

There should be nothing left to say.

The truth screams
                    we are both liars

                                                       I miss you

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