Looking out of the window to watch the snow waltzing against the obsidian sky, my warm breath fogs up the pane. My eyes focus on the reflection of myself. Time whispers in my ear reminding me of all the changes and recalling who is not here.  My fingers push the fog away as I notice something moving outside. My heart quickens as I make for the door to catch the little one running around in the snow.

As I step into the darkness, the moon pours a path for my feet to step upon. My movement breaks the calm but no animals stir. I feel as though I am not alone. I pull my scarf tighter as the snowflakes kiss my hair leaving their misty mark. For a brief moment a starry flake lands on my eye lash and the night time twinkles. Tilting my face up, I want to taste the cutting night air.

The dreamlike moment dissolves as I hear giggling come from under the pear tree. I pick up the pace and smile as I see her sitting on the lowest branch. Her familiar eyes look down on me as she reaches up to shake the tree gently. A soft, white dusting covers me as my heart leaps to get lost in the the wintery dream.

I sore with my hearts spirit spinning in the night. Before long her giggle causes me to focus back on the ground. Tears fill my eyes as I see him and my smaller self sprinkling food out for the reindeer. I drop to look closer and tears fill my eyes as I see him looking youthful once more.  Before I get too close, the snow picks up and I see myself older with him. We are now standing outside look up at the stars. I loved his stories about the evening sky. I resist the urge to try and touch the sight and freeze it.

Once more the wind picks up and this time I see the two of us now feeding the reindeer with two giggling children.  Passing on his enchanting stories from me to the two of them. My daughter reaches up because she knew then he would carry her all over if she wished. As I exhaled the snow shifted and my little ones become older and running around with him, looking for a bird, his favorite bird. I can see the happiness in his face and the love in his heart. For just a second I feel his eyes looking up at me, like he knows I am seeing them again.

I feel my body being pulled back to the earth. I open my eyes and find myself sitting in the tree. Trying to recall the memories of what just happened, something red flutters by.

touching the cardinal
come to say his last goodbye
memory lullaby