As the evening skies roll in, I find myself in an old familiar spot….in between.

Tossing, turning, trying to steady my erratic heart. It beats, skips and jumps against it’s cage. Fear has reached inside causing it to want to escape and find another place to hide.

Rolling over to my back because I can’t seem to catch my breath. No matter how I inhale or exhale, my lungs feel constricted like they are drowning in air. A heavy burden has crept out of my mind and resting on top of me.

I place my hands upon my throat trying to make it easier for my heart to leap out and breathing to steading. Then I close my eyes to calm my thoughts as my hands move down to my chest…..

My chest

My fingers begin to search for something across my breasts. They glide in circles with ease as they know the area well… they would notice something foreign, right?

The mind recites over and over a healing mantra reassuring the body that everything is okay. However, fear trickles out of my eyes from deep within singing the What If ballad. What if it is not okay…..

in between logic and emotion
known and unknown
what lies ahead

desolate tears fall
heart breathes disquietude
hard to be in between

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