“How wonderful life is, now you’re in the world……”
I love singing that song especially now. The words use to be just something I sang in the show each night, but now with him in my life it takes on real meaning. I sing it to him.
Tonight was another successful show, although I couldn’t find him in he audience. Silly man probably ran late and couldn’t make it to his regular seat that I always have reserved just for him. He probably got so caught up writing a beautiful story or poem for me that he lost track of time.
“Ma’am, more flowers for you. Where shall I put them?”
I look at the messenger holding a grand bouquet of irises….my favorite. I smile knowing they are from him.
“Please come put them here by the mirror.”
That familiar butterfly feeling takes over my belly. I bend one of the beautiful blooms down to meet my nose and take in the lovely smell. I close my eyes and can see him, smiling at me. My love…..my world. I cannot wait to see him.
Since I have extra time I will create something for him. I will write him a poem, to get down all my feelings. He always does it for me, now I should do the same. I want to make him special.
I pull out my light pink paper and use my special pen. I put down my heart with each word I write. I take my time pulling out wonderful memories of all the time we have spent together. The laughs, debates, discussions and even tears. They all create us. What a wonderful thing.
I love you…..forever.
My last line. Now, to lightly spray it with my perfume. He can carry it around with him like I do so many of his words. When we are apart he can pull it out, read them, smell me and feel me. So we are always with one another in some way.
I shake my head because it is beginning to hurt again. I press against my temples trying to relieve the pressure. It seems like after each show I keep getting these headaches. Looking in the mirror I see my face. I am looking tired and pale. I should fix that before he gets here. I want to look my best for him. Even though he would say I look beautiful no matter what.
Speaking of….where is he? Even on his delayed evenings I usually hear from him by now.
The headache is coming on so much stronger this time.
“Who is it?”, I almost yell because of the pain. The butterflies in my stomach have left and now nausea has taken their spot. I really do not feel well at all.
“Excuse me ma’am. It is time to go”, I hear the familiar voice from behind the door reply back to me. I do not like her. She is always coming at the wrong time. Can’t she see I am waiting for my love.
“I am not ready to go. He is not here yet. Why do you always insist I leave before he gets here? Please go away.”
“Yes ma’am I know but really it is time. If he shows up we will tell him where to find you. Okay?”
Why do they always speak to me like a child? He knows to come here to my dressing room. I am not going anywhere.
“I am staying here. Please come back later after he is comes. His flowers just arrived. Please do not make me leave.”
They do not reply. Hopefully they have left.
The door opens.
“How dare you just walk into my dressing room? I already said I am waiting here until he gets here. I have been very patient with you stage hands intruding on my space. I am going to speak to the producer right now.”
As I get up to leave a man steps in front of me.
“Ma’am, is your head hurting again? You look like you are in pain. Come let’s take some medicine, sit down and we will wait for him to show up together. How does that sound?”
How does he know my head hurts?
“I do not need medicine right now. What I need is for you all to please leave. You are messing up my special evening.”
He puts his hands gently on my arms and sits me down.
“I am sorry but why don’t you just rest and I will send someone to go find him. As you wait, take your medicine and you will feel better when he gets here. Wouldn’t that be the best way?”
I am so tired at this point I do not want to fight anymore. Maybe he is right. My head is throbbing. All the lights and sounds are not helping.
“Okay…..please go find him. I need him. Only he makes me feel better.”
“Will you take the medicine ma’am? I am sure he would want you to.”
“Yes, yes fine. Go send her to find my love and I will take your medicine.”
“Of course. Let’s sit over here.”
I follow him obediently because at this point the pain is unbearable. I just need him. He will make it all better. I hope they find him soon.
As I take the medicine, immediately I start to feel it. The pain subsides and I really just want to close my eyes.
“Oh this made me sleepy. Is it suppose to do that?”
“Yes ma’am. This way you can rest and when you wake up you will feel better.”
“Yes….I promise. Now lay back. I think she has found him and he will be here shorty. I will wake you when he comes.”
My eyes are too heavy and I really do not have the will to fight. I will just sleep….he will be waiting for me in my dreams. There he will be in the audience watching me on stage. Oh the show…..I forgot, I have to perform again. Will I be able to? I have to feel better.
He watches her fall asleep finally. He was thankful tonight she didn’t put up as much of a fight. Last night they had to restrain her. But as always as she falls asleep she says the same thing.
“The show must go on. Tell him I love him and will be waiting….”
He always reassures her that he will.
The new nurse steps over to his side.
“Does this really happen every night?” she asks as she hands him the paper the patient was writing on. “It is all scribbles. What was she trying to write?”
He takes the paper knowing already what would be on there.
“She is writing, or I should say trying to write to the man she loves. The man she waits on every night.”
“Is it for her husband?”
“No. It would have been. She was a a singer in some of the best shows many years ago. One night after one of her best performances he didn’t show up. On his way to the show he was in an accident and died. He was late to the show because he was planning to surprise her with a romantic evening and proposal. She waited and waited. When the theater found out what happened to him, they told her and she collapsed. It was almost like she had a heart attack but it seemed to only affect her mind.”
“She doesn’t have Alzheimer’s? I guess I assumed with her memory lapses and her age that was what is wrong with her. Then what it is?”
He stroked her hair. “Really we do not know. But in my opinion, her heart broke and she just couldn’t go on without him. Instead she tries to stay back in time. The night she was happiest and waiting for him. She probably knew what he was about to do. She hides there to avoid living without him.”
The other nurse walks over and touches the face of the woman. “How sad.”
He looks up and shakes his head. “I know but I just help her through it. I like to think that soon she will be with him again. Their time on earth was cut short for the two of them, but they will have an eternity together soon.”
Both stood up, covered her up and left the room.
Behind her closed eyes she was dreaming one last time but unlike the other nights her dream will become a reality. This time when he meets her, he will take her hand and bring her to a place they will be together forever. Like he always promised her.