I am more than the insecurities that creep out of my soul and fog up my mirror. I am more than the timidity I write about so delicately on my fractured reflection. If you want to know me, you have to read my words.
Are you ready…..take my hand and I will walk you into torrid waters of my thoughts and let them scar your skin. Please touch my wounds and understand the jagged edges that placed them there. I am more than syllables and vowels, but to understand the fortifying of my spine, you will have to listen to the noise that it makes on the way down. Lay your head on my chest and listen to my soft whine, hear my blood vessels scream and the elation that spirals up my chest from the pain of my stomach. Put your arms around me as I whisper my secrets, fears and aspirations. Do not let go.
I have metaphors in a headlock and I hold them under water until they can breathe inspiration. I chase down shadows and demand they give me back the images they stole from my ribcage as I slept. I allow you to see the world through my blue eyes, offer you to taste with my tongue that drips sweet like a honeysuckle and offer you to hear the trills of the song birds that sway in the willows.
Come what may, you will have to take time to understand each of the noises, flavors, smells and understand the source of my words were not born from inspiration or ideas, but the memories and experiences that flow through the crimson blood that pumps from my heart, down through my arms, into to my fingers that hold this pen. Every flawed sentence, each forgotten comma and misplaced letter are all a reflection of my messy, loving and full way I live my life.
You will not read my words, hop along my sentences and and be awestruck with my meticulous order. You will not dance around the chimes of clarity but instead be thrown into a whirlwind of my thoughts and strange rhythm of my heart. You will become dizzy, thirsty, and disoriented. Sometimes you may be hurt and angered when you peek into the corners. Other pages will bring you to your knees either from sadness or maybe, just maybe you will feel a stir of inspiration.
My voice will drag you screaming into crashing waves in the middle of a hurricane. I will pull you with phrases and tangled adjectives into the middle of a wheat field while torrential rains rip your shirt and plaster your hair to your face. I will offer you a plate with flames to sear your hands. I will bring you chaos that you may not understand. I promise you disaster that will be dangerous and make you try to turn away.
My complexity will drip onto the page and you will fall in love with me. I will bleed ink as I curl my finger and invite you to join me down the rabbit hole. I will stand in the middle of euphoria, this wonderful turmoil I have released from the locked caged of my chest. I will lean my head back and inhale the wind into my lungs, feel the rain cleanse my sins and allow the dirt to swirl around my legs.
I will bait you deeper into my world that was created with misplaced and awkward words. I will call myself beautiful in the most unbecoming ways then show you my scars, let your fingers trace my flaws as I dare you to fall in and get snarled in my web. Wrap yourself in my silken threads, close your eyes and get lost in my dreams.
But above all, I dare you to touch my heart, kiss my soul, try to know me by reading my words.